


different names for the same thing

by faorism



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drabble, Genderqueer Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-10 00:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2004009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faorism/pseuds/faorism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything, they still lose. In the startled moments afterwards, the third years regroup in the locker room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	different names for the same thing

**Author's Note:**

> a sketchy little drabble based off a whisper from [bkyngw](http://bkyngw.tumblr.com/) about them not getting to nationals. title is from death cab for cutie's song by the same name, but not too deep a connection if you are looking for one.

They lose. After everything, after _everything_ , they aren't quick enough. They can't break through enough walls. They can't uphold defense (always their weak spot; this time, their lethal weakness) by halfway through the second set; can't keep that ball in the air long enough for their offense to change the tides. The last ball drops on Hinata's receive: it's not a mistake, but a more skilled receiver would have known how to set up the receive quicker once they reached the back line. Daichi, for example, received a few of them in the match. It's possible; he did it; Hinata did not.

They lose, and when Asahi sees the ball fly out of bounds the wicked relief of _at least it wasn't me this time_ brings bitterness to his mouth. He isn't regretful for the passing thought, in part because as he sees Hinata's horrified yet horrifying stare at where the ball has rolled off to, Asahi knows Hinata will grow as Asahi has grown. 

By the next tournament, Hinata will know how to return. Asahi is sure of this.

There's a hollowness like shell shock that brings Asahi into a quiet trance that carries him from the court to the hallway to the locker room without noticing truly what's going on around him. Noya's nails angrily digging into his elbow startles him awake, and he finds himself absently nodding along with whatever Noya is muttering forcefully. Noya isn't saying anything to him—Noya's talking to Hinata, but Noya still holds Asahi tight as if to keep Asahi from running away. 

Instead of engaging them, Asahi zeros in on the suddenly stuttering hiccups of his friend, his captain, his... 

He's seen Daichi cry before, in locker rooms not unlike this one and in hallways after games and in practice and in situations identical to this one. Daichi cries withdrawn but openly at once, the paradox a permission for his team and peers to be upset with him. As captain leading after this kind of loss, he can still do this for his team. Just this—Daichi does not disappoint. This iteration is also not unlike any time before. Daichi, sitting alone on a bench, tired hands over his eyes. His slump shoulders huddle his body inward and smaller, reminding Asahi that Daichi is shorter than him even if it never quite feels so.

And Asahi is clear that yes, he is alone. Suga paces impatiently close but their angry energy keeps them walking (only having played during the second set, gaining a bulk of their points that set; they have energy but now no outlet...). The first years stand away. They ignore and obsess over the image, glancing without really understanding. 

Asahi wonders how long Ukai and Takeda will let them be here, let this display go undisturbed. With a quick glance at them hovering by the door, Asahi knows— _knows_ —it's Daichi they are waiting on. Daichi sits alone. Suga walks alone.

Asahi feels the dark twist of anxiety suddenly, staring so unapologetically at Daichi—his captain, his no longer captain. When he tries to calm himself down, he can imagine only the tableau in front of him and that, that he cannot draw from something worse, spurs Asahi into action. Noya's hand jerks away as Asahi slips forward. 

Suga stops short when Asahi grabs their shoulder, and the rage at being interrupted burns in Suga's eyes and in their startled "Hey." 

(Asahi's cheeks burn knowing his team is around him, that everyone can see this going on, but he does his best to block them out.)

When Suga doesn't move after Asahi lightly pushes them toward the bench, Asahi stands there with them harsh, waiting. It takes a moment, and Asahi isn't sure what he needs from Suga until Suga confesses "I wasnt enough" in a hissed whisper only Asahi can hear. "I wasn't enough, and this is it. I got to play but it wasn't not enough and we are going to graduate and we're done."

Asahi tries to respond but he only forms a broken little grunted "But... you were, you—" Asahi lets his sentence fall. Instead he shakes his head, his breathing shuddering with the movement. It's an unintelligible response yet the exchange means enough that Suga humbles their resistance as Asahi guides Suga to sit next to Daichi. 

Daichi doesn't look up at them, and Suga doesn't move to comfort Daichi or to further engage Asahi, even as Asahi drops down to a crouch in front of them. His hands go one to Daichi's knee and one to Suga's wrist, lightly touching both. And it is nothing more than a rearrangement. Suga just stares down at their fists, clenching and unclenching, fingers aching from _not_ feeling the burn of use (a burn Kageyama currently shakes from his hands across the room). 

"Thank you. The last three years have been everything," Asahi says to them and only them, in the same tone he hastily kisses love into Suga's mouth, in the same resonance he moans aching desire at Daichi to hurry up, _hurry up, please, Daichi_. It's the same gasp as Daichi's surprised laughter when Suga teases at his ticklish neck, it's the same question as Suga asking if they should grow their hair out, it's the same shame of Asahi walking out on them, it's the same desperation of coming back, it's the same risk as Suga and Daichi drawing Asahi aside one day after practice, hope and fear and adoration in their eyes as they go into the conversation a couple and walk out of it just two out of a triad. 

It's the same as it's always been, the same as it will be, the same but maybe just a little more, and it's devastating to touch them and know they are still alone. 

Because Daichi still holds his hands to his crying eyes and Suga still stares at their fists and Asahi lets them to it, his own breathing becoming shallow and his vision slowly unfocusing. If the others thought Asahi was going to try to deliver them an inspiring speech to his fellow third years, or to calm them, or to do anything else than _just this_... they will be disappointed and will remain disappointed. 

Because Asahi will let them their sorrow. Because Daichi needs this. Suga needs this. Asahi needs this, needs to zone out and not feel for a little while. They _need_ this, but need differently. Unlike with most other things, they cannot truly share what the other is feeling; not really, not even if it's tumbling from the same loss.

But, as in everything, let them be alone _together_ in this—just this.


End file.
